If you’re pursuing adoption, the word “matching” can feel both exciting and overwhelming. This is the stage where an expectant parent chooses YOU to adopt their baby. But what actually happens during matching, and what should you expect as an adoptive family?
What Does “Matching” Mean?
A match happens when an expectant parent selects your adoptive family profile and decides they’d like to move forward with you. It’s not a guarantee of placement, but rather the beginning of building a connection.
It’s important to manage expectations and focus on building a supportive, respectful relationship.
How Matching Works at Adoption Advocates
1. Case Presentation
Adoptive families will receive information on an expectant parent, including medical history and a report from our genetics counselor if needed, to review. This allows families to decide if they feel they will be able to meet this child’s social, emotional and physical needs. If they do not feel like a fit, they can choose to not be presented.
2. Profile Review
Expectant parents will be provided with profile books of the adoptive families who have said yes to the case. The expectant parent(s) can take their time reviewing books to see who they feel most connected to. Every story is unique—they may be drawn to your lifestyle, values, or even something as simple as a shared hobby.
3. The Initial Meeting
If an expectant parent is interested in your family, your adoption specialist will arrange a meeting—often over Zoom or in person. This is your chance to get to know each other and start building trust.
4. Making Things Official
After the call, the agency will follow up with both you and the expectant parents. If both sides feel comfortable moving forward, you’ll sign a commitment letter and become officially matched. The match fee will also be due at this time.
5. Ongoing Contact
You can begin regular communication with the expectant parent(s). This might include texts, calls, or visits—depending on the level of openness everyone is comfortable with.
What to Expect Emotionally
- Excitement. It feels incredible to know someone sees you as a possible parent for their child.
- Nervousness. Meeting an expectant parent can feel intimidating but remember, they’re likely nervous too.
- Uncertainty. No decisions are final until after relinquishment, and expectant parents have the right to choose to parent at any step along the way.
It’s important to manage expectations and focus on building a supportive, respectful relationship.
How to Build a Healthy Match Relationship
-
- Lead with empathy. Remember, the expectant parent is making a life-changing decision.
- Be genuine. Share who you are without trying to “perform” or be perfect.
- Respect boundaries. Everyone’s comfort level with openness is different.
- Hold space for uncertainty. Be mindful that your words or expectations do not make her feel pressured to move forward with adoption.
- Lean on your adoption specialist. They’ll help guide conversations, manage logistics, and support both parties.
Final Thoughts
Matching is one of the most meaningful steps in your adoption journey. It’s a time to build trust, create connections, and support an expectant parent as they make the decision that feels right for them.
While it can feel uncertain, approaching the process with patience, honesty, and compassion will set the foundation for a healthy adoption relationship—no matter the outcome.
