If you’re considering adoption for your baby, you’ve probably come across the term “matching.” But what does it actually mean? How does it work? And how much control do you have over the process?
We’re here to walk you through it, step by step. No pressure, no judgment—just honest information so you can feel confident about whatever choice is right for you.
What Is Matching in Adoption?
In adoption, matching refers to the process of connecting an expectant parent (or parents) with an adoptive family. It’s the step that happens after you’ve decided to explore adoption and are ready to start looking at potential adoptive families.
Matching can be emotional and even overwhelming at times, but it can also be empowering, exciting, and hopeful.
With modern adoption, you are in full control of your plan and that includes choosing the adoptive family.
Step-by-Step: How Matching to an Adoptive Family Works
Here’s how the matching process typically goes when you’re working with an adoption agency like Adoption Advocates:
1. You decide what you’re looking for in an adoptive family.
Do you want your child to grow up in a big city or a small town? With siblings? With LGBTQ+ parents? A stay-at-home parent? People of a specific race, culture, or religion?
You get to decide what matters most to you. Your adoption specialist can help you think through your values, wishes, and questions.
2. View adoptive family profiles.
Once you’ve shared your preferences, you’ll be able to look at potential adoptive families who match what you’re looking for. These adoption profile books include photos, letters, and details about the family’s life, values, and hopes for parenting.
A note about the profiles you’ll see: Before we show adoptive family profiles, we send information about you and your pregnancy to our waiting families. This allows the adoptive families to make sure they feel like they can provide for your child’s individual needs. You can feel confident that the family you choose will be excited about the match and committed to honoring an open adoption relationship with you.
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3. Schedule a call or meetup with the family you like.
If you find a family that feels right, let your adoption counselor know. She will reach out to the family and coordinate a meeting, either in person or virtually. This is your chance to ask questions and share what’s important to you, especially if you’re planning for an open adoption.
You don’t have to choose just one family to talk to. Sometimes you may have a hard time choosing or feel drawn to more than one family. We want you to feel confident about your choice, so we’re happy to arrange meetings with multiple families.
Related Post: Questions to Ask Prospective Adoptive Parents
4. Become officially matched.
After your meetings, your adoption specialist will follow up with both you and the adoptive families. You can let her know if you want to move forward with one of them and if so, we’ll make it official. You and the adoptive family can begin building a relationship, if you feel comfortable doing so.
With modern adoption, you are in full control of your plan and that includes choosing the adoptive family.
What If No Adoptive Parents Feels Right?
That’s completely valid. If you don’t feel ready to match, or if you look through profiles and nothing clicks, that’s okay. We can keep looking, provide profiles from outside our agency, or even pause the process altogether.
There’s no “right” way to feel, and no timeline you have to follow.
What If I Change My Mind About Adoption?
Matching with an adoptive family doesn’t lock you into anything. You have the right to change your mind at any point before signing final consent paperwork, which doesn’t happen until at least 48 hours after birth. Adoption Advocates will always honor your right to make the decision that’s best for you—even if that decision is to parent.
Some expectant parents worry that the adoptive family will be upset or disappointed if they choose to parent. If you’ve been talking regularly and sharing your hopes for your baby’s future, you may have become close.
At Adoption Advocates, prospective adoptive parents are educated and prepared to understand that nothing is final until you say it is. They know going into this process that you may decide to parent, and they will be supported by the agency in handling that with grace and respect.
Would they feel disappointed? Maybe. They may grieve the loss of a match they were hopeful about. But their grief isn’t your responsibility to carry.
What is your responsibility? Listening to your heart, your instincts, and your needs, because only you know what’s right for you and your baby.
One Last Thing: You’re in Control
The matching process is all about finding the right fit for you and your baby. Your voice matters, your values matter, and your choice matters. It’s your decision, and we’re here to walk with you, support you, and make sure you never feel alone in the process.
If you’re thinking about adoption and want to learn more about the matching process, we’re here to help—no pressure or judgment. Reach out to us by calling (512) 477-1122 or text an adoption specialist with questions at (512) 270-8415.
You deserve support. We’re here when you’re ready.
