Making an adoption plan can feel very lonely.
You may have people around you who love you. You may have family, friends, or a partner who wants to help. And yet, you may still feel like no one really gets what you’re going through.
That can be hard.
You don’t have to go through those feelings alone.
When Your Family Doesn’t Support Your Decision
Sometimes family members do not agree with an adoption plan.
Your mom may want you to parent your baby. Your dad may be upset about the idea of adoption. An aunt may tell you that you will regret your decision.
They may say these things because they love you and are worried about you. But that does not mean you have to change your decision because they are upset.
Remember:
- You do not have to convince everyone to agree with you.
- You are allowed to take time to think about what you want.
- It is okay to set limits on conversations that make you feel worse.
- You can love your family and still make a choice they don’t understand.
If talking with your family is causing a lot of stress, talk with your adoption counselor. She can help you think about what to say and how to handle difficult conversations.
You deserve people around you who will listen without judging you or telling you what you should do.
When Your Family and Friends Support Adoption (But You Still Feel Sad)
Sometimes the opposite happens.
The people around you may be very supportive of your adoption plan. They may say things like, “You’re doing the right thing” or “I’m glad you made this decision.”
You may be glad they support you. But you may also feel sad.
That is okay.
You can believe adoption is the right choice for you and still feel grief about it.
Those feelings can exist at the same time.
Sometimes people do not know what to say when someone is hurting. They may try to focus on the positive because they want you to feel better.
You can tell them what you need.
You might say:
“I know you support me. I just need someone to listen to me right now.”
Or:
“I don’t need you to fix this. I just need you to be here with me.”
When the Baby’s Father Doesn’t Feel the Same Way
The baby’s father may have feelings about the adoption plan, too. And he may be handling his feelings very differently.
You might want to talk about adoption all the time while he does not. Or he may seem very sure about adoption while you are still working through your feelings.
If you are having a hard time talking with each other, your adoption counselor may be able to help.
And if you are going through this without the baby’s father, tell your counselor that, too. You deserve support even if you are making this plan on your own.
Find Someone Who Really Gets It
Sometimes you need to talk to someone who has been through adoption herself.
Other birth mothers understand things that your friends and family may not.
They know what it is like to make an adoption plan. They know that you can feel love, sadness, relief, fear, and uncertainty all at the same time.
Ask your adoption counselor to connect you with another birth mother or a support group.
Just hearing someone who has been through it say, “I understand” can mean a lot.
Your Counselor Is There for You
Your adoption counselor is not just there to help with the paperwork or the adoption process.
She is also there to listen.
You can talk to her when:
- You had a hard conversation with your family.
- Your friends don’t understand.
- You are having a hard day.
- You are unsure about what you want.
- You are worried about the future.
- You just need someone to talk to.
Regular counseling sessions should be part of your adoption journey, but your adoption specialist will also be when you have difficult moments.
You Don’t Have to Go Through This Alone
Making an adoption plan can bring up a lot of feelings.
You may feel sure about your choice and still feel sad. You may love your baby and still believe adoption may be the best choice for you. You may wish your family or friends understood what you are going through.
All of those feelings are okay.
You deserve people around you who will listen without judging you or telling you what you should do.
If you are pregnant and considering adoption in Texas, Adoption Advocates is here to help.
